~~..Illusion..

I'm BACK!

2005-05-22T12:06:00.000+08:00

YO PEOPLE! sorry for not blogging for so long keeping lotsof stuff in my head ok so basically nothing much changed with me
except for the fact i have grown quieter

anyway, i just remebered something. it is downright weird if you have a fan club out there and you don't even know why. yep

we just had sabbathicals and philosophy, i learnt, makes me nuttier than i already am. that doesn't mean i wasn't crazy before the course; it merely had the effect to make me go crazier

today's topic, RELIGION yes people flame my blog i am fairly used to being flamed in school anyway

Religion mainly deals with the idea of a greater being out there whom we call God or god or gods. This is my view about religion and i hope sincerely hope people do not get too insulted. i'll try to be objective REALLY :)

I noted that most religions have the idea of a heaven, or a place we go to after death. This is what made me sit up and notice. i asked myself these questions which will be listed as due:

1) Why are people so preoccupied with living after dying? (life after death)
I mean, some people get tired of living and yet they want to go on living after they die. Makes sense? NOpe. and i really wonder, there is this idea of heaven AND hell. ok here i will go on to on religion, christianity. Do you not think it is rather like the idea of carrot and the stick? If belief and love is there, you secure a place in heaven, if not too bad, God will be 'sad' but you still go to hell regardless of what you do.
Put simply: BELIEVE IN ME OR GO TO HELL
2) What really is SIN?
Is it the greatest sin to not believe in a god that we deserve to go to hell after we die? assuming there is a heaven and a hell after we die. humans cannot be all good for that is impossible. i believe i mentioned before Uthopia is impossible. same thing applies human nature has the unlimited ability to do good, and also the unlimited ability to do bad
To quote Plato: I wish all humans had the unlimited ability to do evil, then they will have the unlimted ability to do good
so it is. THE CO-EXISTANCE OF GOOD AND EVIL
3) Is there really a god?
in the first place, do we really exist? the brain in the vat theory MAY be true! and what would we do, as a hman race, if that is indeed true? mass suicidals i suppose. indeed we must question EVERYTHING, and we cannot just believe in ANYTHING.
4) Does religion and science always contradict?
Not really, they both have the same goals. the endless quest for the truth. the very very big area they conflict in is our origin. one believes in CREATION, whereas science believes in EVOLUTION. which is right? or maybe none of them are correct? think about these questions.
5) Why is there religion in the first place?
Perhaps humans created a god so they will always have someone there for them all the time. Perhaps they created a God, so they wouldn't feel so small and alone in this whole universe. Perhaps they had no answer to our origins in the past, and came up with one.
Perhaps perhaps, life is full of uncertaincies.

NOTES: I noticed as i was typing this out, the religion i talked about was mostly christianity i confess that i know very little in this area and i am only familiar with Christianity and buddhism. (P.S muslims and christians actually have abit in common dun you think) And to clarify something
BUDDHISM IS NOT A RELIGION.
so yes and also i do hope people will go and start questioning things around them.

Sadistic

2004-12-07T22:03:00.000+08:00

I think that the discovery and invention of anitibiotics such as penicillin will cause more negetive effects in a long run. Before 1500, the world population was very small. The existance of diseases and the inability to fight them resulted in the elimination of the weaker humans. Those that survived grew stronger and they bred thus producing an entire generation of stronger humans. This proofs Darwin's theory of 'The fittest survive', natural selection and elimination. This is to ensure that more of the species will survive in the future, and those that survive are stronger. Therefore, even though the world population was small, they were strong. However, the discovery of anitibiotics and other medicines that came after interfered with this natural selection. The medicines enabled the weaker ones to survive. But the bacteria and viruses kept mutating, growing ever resistant to the antibiotics, and humans have to keep coming up with new antibiotics to combat this new strain of resistant bacteria. Humans grew weaker, depending on modern medicine to protect them against diseases and illnesses. I fear that we have become too dependant. The weaker ones survive, and they breed, producing a new generation of not as strong humans. The originally strong breed is eventually thinned as interbreeding occurs. Now if humans fall ill, the doctor will prescribe a few different antibiotics. New strains are getting common. For example, H5N1 bird flu virus, and SARS. All mutated viruses. They grew resistant to the antibiotics. Now scientists are working to find a cure. The more medicines appear, the more resistant viruses we have. In short, the more we fight them, the more they will resist. Humans can never defeat Nature. In conclusion, i think although modern medicines enabled weaker humans to survive(1 of the factors for the population explosion after 1500), the human race has become weaker and if anitibiotics had not been invented, the global population will be small but much stronger.

Sorry i very lor shor. I think that is the main reason ppl don't like talking to me. I also think i am very ignorant, and ppl think i just blab nonsense. All i think is that i do have some small knowledge and ideas, but not enough to convince ppl, and i feel very..... shallow.

Casino debate

2004-12-04T22:04:00.000+08:00

This has become quite a matter of debate and interest in Singapore and i feel like expressing my view as well. Firstly, this is going to be quite boring. It is going to be like an essay so..read or not, your choice. I will keep it nice and short though. :)
I do not approve of a casino in Singapore. Although the economic benefits are quite enticing, a casino is something like a bomb, very unstable bomb. The Government can try their best to prevent people from getting addicted but can they really ensure that this will not happen? Gambling can be taken as fun by some, but it is very addictive and when people get hooked, their lifes crumble. for example, Sam started going to a casino, from small bets of $10 and visits not more than once a week, he went to big bets of $100 and above and goes there every night. His monthly salary of $2000 is not enough to fuel his gambling habit and he is heavily in debt. His family suffers and eventually, his wife leaves him. Whenever he loses, he tries again, not believing that he won't recoup his losses. In the end, he gains little or mostly nothing, but lost nearly everything and goes bankrupt. Yea, i know it is very drama but it is a possibility. As the chinese saying goes, For every 1 win, they have 9 losses. On top of that, they will neglect other important things in their lifes, like their family and their work. Even if they work hard and earn a stable salary, a good part of it will still go to fueling their gambling habit. and when they visit casinos often, won't that leave less time with their families? as Confuscius said, Families are the building blocks of society. And of course, there is the moral issue. Many religions oppose the casino idea and i understand why they think that way. So, i think that building a casino will cause more harm than benefits in a long run.
Anyway, this is all i can say to those people who want to or already gamble: There is no such thing as instant money. If you think you are lucky and can sure win, then too bad. If you are so greedy for more money, stop and think. If i lose, (which is HIGHLY possible), won't i have much less than what i started with? It is nice taking the risk, the thrill is there, but weigh the possiblities. If you are a super rich man who has lots of money to spare(and WON'T donate to charity) then it's your business. But if you are not too well-off, think about who will be affected. Think about what will happen if you lose. Think about whether it is worth taking the risk, the possibilitiy of losing so much. Also, those who go there to have fun, that's ok. But be careful and don't get addicted. Don't think you are so clever: Just do it once or twice, sure won't get addicted. Don'tbe so stupid. you may be hooked even before you know it.
OK, so that kindof wraps up my casino debate.
Life: Today bought a new glove(heartbroken) $96!!! so ex! and not like my father will give me the money...some ppl know what i mean. training was so...demoralising. i see coach and my confidence goes d
o
w
n. Anyway, today was totally sucky. And to Noelle i want to say, don't push yourself too hard. that's all. sad, softball ends like next week. :(

this is a riddle and guess what object i am talking about. (something of Nature)

Blue silk dress, sparkling scattered diamonds.
The lady ruffles her skirt, revealing white numerous petticoats.

answer is : tfb (it's in code for those dimmer ones)

Lessons

2004-11-24T20:48:00.000+08:00

I learned something today going to my grandma house. There are many different ways of looking at a person or situation and many different ways of dealing with them. Not everything is under our control, yet not everything is beyond our control.

What is mine is mine,
whether or not it shines.
Mine and yet not mine,
still it may shine.

yea i know this sucks.. so, never mind

Whee!

2004-11-22T20:24:00.000+08:00

Yay! Going to sentosa with sec 1 softballers on thursday to friday! Yipee! we r staying at a campground probably cos all chalets are booked. I dun mind as long as we have some place to sleep, even on bare ground. it isn't bad, i tried before. Luv softball! anyway, my mum tells me i have to balance work and home.

i think that men think they are superior to women cos the women stay at home to do chores and look after children while they bring in the bacon. This gives them an important status, like everything depends on him alone. Of course, nowadays it is getting more and more uncommon. Women are more aware of their rights and when they are successful in work, they are independent! There have been reports that men complain that we are too 'strong' and go off looking for a foreign bride. As you can see, men obviously prefer beign the boss. Meet a more successful woman and they go cowering away, and look for another weaker woman to be their life partner. I'm not saying that women should stop being so independent, in fact, i want to say : YOU GO GIRL! For my part, i will NOT be content to stay and home, do the housework and look after the kids, soley depending on my husband to keep the family going! My mother is a strong woman and i shall follow in her footsteps!

unfair

2004-11-19T21:07:00.000+08:00

ok, i'll get a bit worked up over here so fans of sly PLEASE do not read.

Shitty lorz! Slyvester got in. Olinda is out! UNFAIR, UNFAIR, UNFAIR! :( and then Florence was crying, cos she knows it is UNFAIR. So sad, she really got the talent. That sly, pronounciation sucks. like seriously. he needs an English teacher. And those fans who vote for him, see him and go: so cute! so dashing! and they go deaf. they can't hear what he sings but what he looks like. thus, they do not hear his thin weedy voice, his horrible pronouciation, but only his moves and smiles and looks. bah. so sad..... :(

K, nothing much to say. had a nice day with Eunice, go Singapore Expo, play a few games, watch movie. The Incredibles is really quite nice! Well, nighty. good training tomorrow. feel like slacking again. ahh.

sigh.

2004-11-17T17:16:00.000+08:00

Geez. My mum does not like me thinking too much, which means i CANNOT exercise my imagination. She thinks i'm just scaring myself off. But if i dun think, how do i write eh? When an idea pops into my head, am i just to brush it away, to just sit in one dark corner? Well, going to debate now.

...

2004-11-11T21:56:00.000+08:00

Severus Snape, Potions.

Harry Potter Quiz: Which Hogwarts Professor Are You?
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Well, i have always been nasty. And guess what house i'm in? Slytherin of course!

Hello!

2004-11-09T20:41:00.000+08:00

Thought of something to say: I hate those people who go and kill themselves. They will hurt people dun they know that? Any problem is solvable, and death they think is one of the ways to escape reality. COWARDLY. GUTLESS. No matter no big the problem is, it CANNOT be solved by death. In fact, those who injure or kill others while trying to kill themselves are very SELFISH. They may not want to live, but others want to live! So to those people out there going to kill themselves or are suicidal:

THINK ABOUT YOUR FAMILY FRIENDS OR ANYONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN ESCAPE REALITY BY CHOOSING DEATH? DON'T BE SO STUPID AND COWARDLY. WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THEM IF YOU JUST DECIDE TO DIE? NO PROBLEM IS UNSOLVABLE, DEATH WILL NEVER HELP.

pHEW, ok, now feeling better. I'm feeling very sadistic. Should i er..... decieve a friend just to let her feel what i felt when i was P6? Or should grudges just be put aside? Ok, i chose the second one. anyway, either one will end up with one friend less. Not like i got so many to begin with. I made a nice poem. Here goes:

People of the fellow clan,
Can't you see their clever plan?
They give us all these 'diet' pills,
And shooting up will be our bills.
'It'll make you slim' that's what they say.
And so we eat them night and day.
But once we stop,
That'll do the job.
The weight will pile on,
Everything will be gone.
Your money is down the drain,
So why don't you use your brain?

OH boy, those diet pill companies are SO going to kill me.. :P

Sorry...in advance

2004-11-09T10:52:00.000+08:00

K, here i am, going to express my views again. Today's issue...hmmmm: Buddhism pls do NOT get offended and curse me behind my back but come and find me k? Also, i think this is going to stir up another er....Debate. Ok here goes nothing.

My mum is a Buddhist so I HAVE at least have basic knowledge about the origin of Buddha. I read an entire book about his birth. That's that. His BIRTH. So, Buddha is not our Creator. Someone else created us, thus the Buddha was also born. I know he found enlightenment while sitting under a bodhi tree. he is thus a normal human being, like you and me. Jesus was also a normal human being. as my mum had repeatedly told me, Buddha is just one of the disciples of the Creator or God, sent down to Earth to lead us. Anyway, i have a few contradictory facts. but of course, every religion has each of their own differences and groups. Like Christians have Catholics and Anglicans so, you get what i mean.

First and foremost, Buddha said that greed is one of the eleven fires tha tscorch ordinary people. Dissatisfaction is also another one of these fires. People are not happy with what they have NOW, and keep asking for more and more. Did you know, Buddha did not WANT to be worshipped like a god. He only wanted people to follow his teachings so that they will reach enlightenment as well. However, some of his disciples made him like a God after his death and this has been carried on for many years. wait, i'm digressing. Anyway, as time passed, a few more gods and goddesses were added to religion. One of them was the Si Mian Fo, or four faced Buddha. I observed a image of this Buddha and found that he had eight arms(which is NOT my point) and that each of these arms were representing something. My mother told me what the eight things were. Included are Money(Fortune) and Power. This, as i found, is EXTREMELY contradicting. Buddha original teachings are that our ego selves are that which all this important to us, status, goodness...etc. When they pray to the Si Mian Fo, they hope the gods will bless them with more of each of the eight things. See my point? ok i will leave it here and not go any furthur. If you dun understand, all the better.

Ok, now hit me. I'm sure i'll get alot of constructive comments.

Geez*

2004-11-05T10:52:00.000+08:00

Why is everyone recounting the old school days?? well, i can't really remember mine. Let's see... hmmm.
I stepped into Nanyang.. and went to class.. chose to sit in the front row cos easier to see. Bad choice, happen to sit besides Lay Kuan. Not very sure and dun care what the class thought of me. Thinks i made a bad name for myself, my erm, bossiness. anything else...*scratches head* rite. enthu, EXTREMELY enthu. always first one to er, shoot hand up. ok. anything else... no one really made an impression on me. not even super interesting Eunice, or super tall Zeena or super talkative Felicia. ok. well, tt's about all. but i remember still DISLIKING chinese. found History, Maths, science and well, everthing except chinese interesting. of course the only thing that made an impression on me was the FOOD. Yep, the yummy, delicious, appetising food. rite. so that wraps up my first half of year
Ok. Now to go back to second half of year....
I familiarised myself with class. Thanked heavens i sat besides Pei ROng and Slivia. Erm, more sensitive but still VERY blunt. got on many ppl nerves. anything else...errrr, i can't remember. oh yeah, went to *you know where* no longer a big secret. many ppl know. and er, explored the school. Nanyang is miserably deviod of interesting and mysterious places. Not to mention that the architect is barking mad.
Not much else to say except a big thank you and SORRY to many ppl.

Er.

2004-10-25T20:53:00.000+08:00

Sorry, not blogging so ong. No time. I got this quiz from Bao, who got from Pei who got from Zeena. Anyway. i dun now if ppl understand me better by this.

1)Nicknames: Terrapin, Terrapiny, Seraphin, Terrapina
2)Height: Sadly, around 160cm.
3)Siblings: One treasured 10 year old sis
4)Hate singing in toilet or shower. Mostly dreaming.
5)Sign: 1st day of Libra.
6)Righty, trying to be ambidexterous
7)What do i want in a relationship most: Understanding
8)Have i ever cheated: Yes. YES, i did. Once. when i was P1.
9)What kind of car i want: As long can travel can already. And must have 4 wheels!
10)Food: ALL!
11)Number:4
12)Letter: D for Dreams or maybe S for stories or A for adventure
Enough stupid questions! going to spill everything.
I dun really like humans, worse of all my own age! I dun really live in this world, preferring to spend most of my life in my own NUTSHELL. I only have 1 or 2 friends i talk to about my problems but i still dun like this world. I always wonder about everything. The world, death, life, and most importantly WHY THE EXISTANCE OF HUMANS? Yep. I am very mean and sacarstic, hurting ppl easily. I choose my friends and am very choosy. BAD OF COURSE. I look down on some ppl, like my dad. I am forever seeking truths, coming up with explanations for strange behaviour. I want to do things differently, not to always follow the golden rules. I want to explore places with lots of fuana and animals, to learn about them in a NATURAL HABITAT. It's rather hard to accept and like people and i am learning to do so. Of course, i have fundamental feelings, SAD angry happy and err, FURIOUS. What the heck! I dun think ppl ever understand the complex machine that runs me. I understand not complicated feelings, why people like hearing lies rather than the truth. Unless i'm not tactful enough... Err, well, nothing else to say. I suppose i am contrary. Contradicting myself all the time..

Friends:
Nicest: Eunice who ticks me off, Pei Rong who also ticks me off. ;P
Funniest: Definately Eunice.
Happiest: Well, no one can be happy all the time..
Strangest: Definately me.
Most caring: no one??
Most mature: hmm, Eunice, Pei Rong And Zeena
Last thing i cried about: When i had a REAL BAD DAY in softball.
Am i happy: No. no feelings. just CURIOUSITY,
Love or Lust: Knowledge!! :>
Sliver or Gold: Titanium
Diamond or Pearl: Rubies
Sunset or Sunrise: one day, when the sun rises from the west.
I have a unicorn! Quite old.
Have any piercing: The idea unsettles me.
Where do i want to go on a honeymoon: the Amazon Rainforest!!
Who do i want to spend the rest of my life with: Nature and nature alone!
What's the first thing i notice about the opposite sex: Intelligence level.
What makes me happy: When i die after my questions are answered.
Future goals: Short term, get into IP or into NUS High Schol of Maths and Science Long term goal: Find answers to my burning questions.
Worst sickness i ever had: High fever??
Funny or scary movies: they r a waste of time, really.
On the phone or in person: err, note writing or no communication at all better
Hugs or kisses: Keep away from me!
If i died tomorrow, whom would you leave everything to: My books shall be evenly distributed to Eunice, Pei Rong and Zeena. They get their pick of books. My younger times trashy books to Bao, Bern and Felicia. German dictionary to Shi Ru, chinese dictioneries to Zeena, English dictionaries to Pei ROng and Eunice. Sims 2 to Felicia, my poems to Pei Rong and unfinished story to Faustina to finish up for me. Clothes and my precious moutain bike to my sis. Unicorn to be buried along with me.
Greatest fear: Becoming NORMAL.
Famous or Rich: Knowledgeble
Do i want my friends to write back: if they want to, which i highly doubt.

PUBLIC ANNOUCEMENT

2004-10-20T21:24:00.000+08:00

Public annoucement #2:

SORRY, to FELICIA AND ALL THOSE WHO WERE OFFENDED OR SHOCKED OR ANGRY.

Sorry by Seraphina Chew.

To: Everyone..

Lamenting

2004-10-18T19:08:00.000+08:00

You're Kyou - the cat.

Which Fruits Basket Character Are You?
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You came from the darkness. Non-trusting, you most
likely will spend most of your life alone.

Where did you come from?
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I should rightlyfully accept people as they are and NOT INTERFERE with their destinies. Pei Rong and Zeena kind of sat me down and hammered into my head this idea. So, i still think that messing around with the 'unseen' in the ouija board is DANGEROUS. Your life is your's to control, not depending on what one STUPID board said. Anyway, my mum says i can't say anything in case those 'unseen' comes and gets me. Ohh... i'm SO scared.

People always want to look to the future and the past, but never the present. Why can't they take things as they are? Why must they KNOW what happens in the future? We can't control that even if we knew. You could decide to go out to watch a movie, walk across the road and BLAM! YOu're dead. And did the ouija board said that? Perhaps if you did not go to watch the movie, you are still alive. So my advice is: Just leave things as they are, dun interfere too much, or you get burned. To Felicia, if you really die, i won't mourn your passing.

BORED..

2004-10-12T19:49:00.000+08:00

Very bored! I miss SCHOOL and all the teachers+subjects. I rather exams not over than stay at home doing nothing. Without mentally depleting and physically changllening work, i started going crazy. Did housework non-stop for 4 hrs straight!! Sigh.. Miss school and softball training.

Life...

2004-10-05T13:57:00.000+08:00

Life is nothing but a dream,
A short-lived moment,
All is gone in sudden gleam.

Laughs

2004-10-02T15:35:00.000+08:00

imagine! Me, sweet???

Now this is more like the truth.

Illusion...

2004-10-02T13:58:00.000+08:00

Is Life an illusion? Are we just dreams? So many questions... Reading Sophie's World and it's really nice. I like the story about the Chinese philosopher who fell asleep, dreamt that he was a butterfly. When he awoke, he wondered whether he as a man dreaming he was a butterfly or a butterfly dreaming he was a man.

"There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." -- Albert Einstein

Public Annoucement

2004-09-29T16:14:00.000+08:00

Good Luck for the End of Year Exams!!!
To: All NY girls

Erm.

2004-09-27T20:23:00.000+08:00

Just feeling very sad for my science. Probably fail but never mind. To the hell with physics!! I'm studying nothing other than chinese and it's killing me! Can't wait for Wed tuition, revision again. I think i'll just give up on Chinese.
The balance is always preserved. Nothing is ever fair in this world. It's like give and take. A gift is a blessing as well as a curse.

STUDY

2004-09-24T13:00:00.000+08:00

Studying and studying!!! Going to be buried under books now!!!! Can't wait to rotten exams over!!! K. I'm so stupd but neva mind. Going back to S T U D Y!!

Sigh**

2004-09-23T19:11:00.000+08:00

Exams coming. Exams coming. Why must we learn Chinese??? I just do Chinese without knowing why and i dun like it. I dun like doing work without knowing why i must do so!! Couldn't find Sims 2. Never mind, must be patient... ...
Accept people as they are, everybody is different and we must all get along. I have low tolerance level and its very hard for me to accept people and i'm trying! But it's hard to accept some people.

Exams.. :(

2004-09-19T17:35:00.000+08:00

Sigh... Exams coming. Have to revise science and chinese. Funny, i dun like chinese and i'm in a sap school. So ironical. O.k, went cycling and so fun. But had to go back early cos going to rain. Later went to art shop. I want to do glass and china painting again. Priceless gifts you know. Nothing to say.

Paths

2004-09-19T11:42:00.000+08:00

We all start off at the same place: Birth; we all end up at the same place: Death. In between, there are many paths; no matter which path you chose, no matter what happens on the journey there, no matter how you try to escape, you will end up at the same place. There is only one common destination, that is Death.

Thinking...

2004-09-16T21:32:00.000+08:00

Mrs.Ng kept going on about ACCEPTANCE and i guess that is a major flaw in me. I kindof thought it was bad that Bao and Bern pull down socks and pull up skirt but now i know that we are who we are.
The world is made up of very different people-that's what makes it interesting! :)
I must learn to accept. Patience is a virtue. I talk too much to myself that a boy at my tuition asked me to shut up! My teacher was like: Ni1 you4 zai4 zi4 yan1 zi4 yu1 le3? I think that talking to yourself is perfectly fine but dun overdo or you can go mad... I rather find that i am becoming slightly more 'normal'. Good or bad???? There is one thing i would like to do, tell everyone what i tink about them... dun tink i'll be able to.
I cannot understand why humans can bomb humans. Look at warfare now. Nuclear, chemical, biological... All made to kill!! I suppose scientists can be bad too. But there are no stereotypes in human beings right??? I realize that archetypes are very hard to find in books and why those who contain them are quite sucessful. The Alchemist is indeed FULL of Stereotypes. O.k, back to point 1. We are all humans right? So what's up with all that killing?? It's equal to MURDER if you ask me. When Bush and Saddam want to get each other, why sit safely in their offices and send men out there to DIE for your own sake?? I alway thought that they must well take a gun and face off each other in a one time battle. Save lots of Lives too. K. Another point.
I realize that the world has the GENERAL IDEA of what girls and boys ust be. Example: I was in tuition and was the first one there(as usual) and i got bored so i started to do push ups and crunches. Half way thru crunches, a boy came in and he was like, surprised. I later told my mother and she said: Do you expect girls to do this kind of stuff? Why must you do then? My mother think that i should NOT be interested in muscle but more in my looks!!!!! What i want to say is this: Everybody is different and have their own interests. Why must we conform to this General Idea and do what is expected of us?? For example, someone might be interested in sports, she doesn't have to POLISH her nails rite? k. abit irrevelant. This IS A NEW AGE and with NEW IDEAS. We are now changing, no longer so rigid, women no longer stay at home and look after children, now, the husbands do it too! We Women are more idependant and have more dreams of our own and not afraid to realize them. However, many women in many countries still do not have their proper rights. Not so long ago, a woman in politics was considered ridiculous but now, we have female presidents! These are examplesof strong independent women. WE HAVE CHANGED. Err, overly serious rite.
Like my new skin? Got it from blogskins.com. I like Jap anime, so good! Very perfect... I day to the Sims 2!!! :) yay!!! Nighty!! Terrapina

Good bye Holidays

2004-09-12T21:01:00.000+08:00

Good bye holidays! How sad.. :( Holidays so fast over!! Neva mind, my birthday is closer! And i also can get my mountain bike!!
Training doing nothing other than pitch and i must admit it is VERY montonous. Sigh* No wonder Eun went to field and coach had to 'force' her back to pitching. Kindof enjoyed my holidays but with so many trainings hardly got time to laze around. Not that i'm complaining. I enjoy the running bit. Kitty a bit weird and i think she's on heat.
Just watched the Heavenly Sword and Dragon Sabre. So nice... Crazy Zhirou. Gone nuts i suppose. Arr. nothing to say. Except getting influenced by Eunice and becoming like her! OH NO!!!!!! Good nite. Decided to keep my mouth shut to prevent from offending people again.. :)

Public announcement

2004-09-08T18:31:00.000+08:00

THIS IS A PUBLIC APOLOGY

SORRY, PLS FORGIVE ME

To: Those i offended with my sharp words and moment of rashness

From: Seraphina Chew (23) Class 103 sincerely

Bored***

2004-09-08T17:49:00.000+08:00

Rather bored at home. Hey! Can go cycling maybe??? Whole day staye at home to do homework and only finished.... 1 chinese compo. Haha! Slacking. Should have gone for the stayover yesterday. AH!! After the Mon trip to Escape, i've gone a bit mad and.... NORMAL!!!! OH NO!!!!!
Had this SMS conversation with Ah Gua and we offended each other.. O.k. Now i know what happens when two blunt people talk to each other, it gets sharp!! Haha. Ok very lame. I dun know why but after the rainy cycle and the playing till 7+ not to mention getting lost, i feel something in my blood. A part of me that wants to break out of this shell and go out to run, cycle, explore. I suppose i have been supressing it for years, Unfortunately, i'm not allowed to. Boohoohoo!! :(
Sigh* Tell myself more confidence!! Dun be perfectionist!!! It was fear of failure that made me release the ball slowly. Likewise with bowling. I'm so stiff and unnatural. :( Robotic, my mother said. Really, i think my mother is a bit overprotective sometimes. I mean, i'm not even allowed to cycle to NY! What about to Orchard?? Dream on... Am i really born to be bad in sports. What the heck. Ma says that a fortune teller saw me when i was young and said i was physically weak in sports but strong in music and arts... but it was me stubborness to prove ma wrong that i joined softball and i really love it!! What to say.... nothing. Just that maybe ishould not always listen to my mum??? Oh dear, peer influence!! But, did i really like being alone and in a nutshell? Did i really like being abnormal? I mean, now i do realise there is a much more fun world out there and there r risks that must be taken?? I kindof get Eun This is life thingy. Arghh!! Swimming in questions. But i think i'll most likely try and go out more, if my mum allows... :)
And do i need to tell Ah gua she's weird? Neva mind. Sighing off..

Hello!

2004-09-04T17:17:00.000+08:00

Hi! Long time no write! Never mind, today just had training and another 10 rounds. Choir girls doing PT again... O.k, me and Fel actually finished 10 rounds an would have ran another round if not for Olive! Oh dear, horrible maths! Just thinking again and i thought:
The world is like a stage and we are all puppets; except there are no puppeteers, we are our own puppeteers.
Bit stupid huh? Kay err, nothing else to say. Wait! Just thought of what to say!! Except i tink SOME ppl in our class are overly sensitive and angsty and wallow in self-pity without doing anything to change their pitiful lifes. And there are some bimbotic ppl who love shopping and boy bands and who-knows-what else. Not like i got anything against these ppl but just thought THEY might like to know. And if you know who i'm talking about and are not happy, just inform me. No prob man! Just seeing who can accept critism.
Sighing off. BYE! Terrapina

Err.

2004-08-26T20:14:00.000+08:00

I must improve my character. Dunno why the world is like this. I know when i stand up and speak in class, i name people and sound very blunt. Ma says to keep my nose out of everything and to just follow the flow. That means to keep quiet like majority of the class?? Alot of people like Pei Rong and Eunice tell me to dun be so blunt and i noe it myself. I must thank those who tell me what are the weak points that i should improve on even whatever the motive. I hope that those i offend will just tell me straight in the face. Then, i will know who can take crictism and who cannot. Also, i suppose it is my own very weird mind that keeps me away from all the rest of the people(teens my age). I just dun talk at the same level as them sometimes. Honestly, i find some topics they talk about very wu liao and stupid.
... ... Dun understand people sometimes. I think i read so much, i exist in another world where there is only me alone and i shut out people from my life. I can have more friends but just that i dun bother to talk.
Angst; n : an acute but unspecific feeling of anxiety; usually reserved for philosophical anxiety about the world or about personal freedom. Teen angst, worry about what? No freedom?? About their idols?? About their social life?? HA!!

School starts

2004-07-01T16:09:00.000+08:00

Wearing semi'hard lenses. Not very nice. Start off with semi'hard then change to soft when i get used to it. Dun really like but good for my eyes.
I think ppl should write in their diary their private thoughts rather than on the blog for everyone to see. I like blog only cos i too lazy to write. Typing is so much easier. Anyway, i feel like i i want to say somethings occasionally and want to stand up and voice it out.
In my opinion, i think Eunice is rather fickle minded. Dun be offended but i'm just very straight forward.

Yay!

2004-06-16T20:04:00.000+08:00

Yay! Tomorrow's the training camp. Looking forward to it!! Tell you some more about my trip that i forgot to mention.
On the second last day we went to someplace like a Shanghai pasar malam. It's a bit different but everything was of course, fake. The vendors, some keep following you, promoting their goods for eg. Xiao Jie, ni yao lai kan shou biao ma? Quite irritating. My father says we just have to stare blankly ahead and they will assume we don't understand what they are saying. Works wonders. Luckily, I can look stupid whenever i want to. Like i'm miles and miles away in an unknown planet. It was quite a sight, all the wares displayed like that. There were lots of tourists and before proceeding into the market, a warning was given. We were warned to keep our belongings close to us as there were theives. There was a jolly American who had brought a translater along with him! I thought it was quite odd but rather clever of him. The vendors there speak terrible English and i think most of the tourists could not understand chinese. So there were often misunderstanding... ... Of course, sometimes you dun need to speak to be understood. When you smile, anybody will be able to understand that you are happy. It's called the Universal Language. The Alchemist is practically all about it. The Alchemist is a awfully good book. I read it about 4 times already! Can't wait to do it for Lit. you know, i still have my maths and my lit poem to do. Quite a lot. Oh yeah, plus my newspapers. Not really easy. Not many accidents or fire nowadays. Not that i'm hoping for one!
Eager to go for training camp. Ms Ong said it was not going to be ,what was that, oh yeah-easy. Well, i can only try my best. No doubt i'm behind times as i missed 4 trainings. Ms Ong said: When you arrive home from the camp on Sat evening, you will be so tired that you will sleep through the whole of Sunday, wake up for dinner and go back to sleep.
There is one major flaw about me. I'm extremely sarcarstic and sharp tongued. My mother once said, my tongue was as harp as a double ended sword. I have to confess that i have insulted many people with my words and hurt others. My character is alot like my father although i look like my mother. My weird mentality really makes me stick out. I also have to confess, though i dun like it, i'm alot like Lay Kuan. Must be astonishing considering our behaviour towards each other. You know, me angering her, We must seem like foes! But, sigh, that's the truth. I'm slightly more open and social then she is though, i spent all my recesses in the library when i was in P6. Not reading scientific books but quite on the countrary, fiction. Fables, legends, i ate them all up. One of my favourites was Authur and the Knights of the round table. I read practically all the books in the library about that. How interesting. All the versions are different in some way. Some are so different that i can almost tell that it is untrue. Well, stupid right? I also took up to Greek and Roman myths. I devoured them. Marvellous. Perhaps that's why i have my imagination and creativity. Read too much. I will say a bit of my school life... ... :( I can never have friends. All the 'friends' i ever had are.. ... well i dun know how to say, er false. I had a very good friend when i was P3. I confided everything in her. Everything. Of course, that was a mistake. Although she did not gossip, she left eventually. Probably couldn't take all my troubles. I was in P4 when she left. P4 was probably my worst year. I was absoulutely horrible. Sent to dentention class too. After that year, i became better but not by alot. In fact, i was talkative and noisy. In my P3 year, my chinese teacher confiscated many of my books. Unfortunately for her, she always kept them in a cupboard in class unlocked. I always sneaked back after school to retrive them. My mother says one reason why friends won't stay is because i am abit obessesive. Well, i have to admit. But i have changed. After the P4 incident with my friend, i grew cold and distrusting. I seemed to be smart but actually, once someone became my friend, it is easy to make use of me. Melissa did exactly that. We were friends, or so i thought, but we were also enemies. Competing for everything. Tests, ca, even in friends. Melissa seemed to win everything. She was amiable and everybody liked her, she was a prefect and her chinese was tons better. She was also in the teacher's good books. Ever since i was P1, i was blacklisted and became a black sheep. My chinese teachers were all biased and well, i wasn't well treated. Not abused!! But i mean seen as a thorn in one's flesh. Until i was P6, i wasn't very happy. My P6 teacher was the only fair chinese teacher who treated everyone equally. I behaved and performed better with her teaching. I was then very, dislikable. Anyway, i took up with Melissa and YJ, a neighbour. Well, i am stupid. She actually played a prank on me for a whole month!! AND THERE WAS I, DOING EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTED ME TO DO!! Of course, she seemed to be the better one. My mother advised me to stop calling her too often. To my surprise, when it was PSLE time, SHE kept calling. Melissa was on friendly terms with me until the prelims results were announced. I had obtained 5th in whole level while she was at 7th. Of course, she kept swearing that she would beat me in PSLE. I didn't really care you see, about rankings. Anyway, there was she, obsessed with beating me in the PSLE. She must have been furious when i beat her again. I didn't mean it but well, she wasn't a good friend. A jealous one. After that collection day, she never spoke to me. She had gotten an A in chinese while i clinched and A*. And she was also boasting that her chinese was better. Ah well, PRIDE BEFORE FALL. She went to Rivervalley High while i went Nanyang. Haven't heard a word from her since then. YJ is still o.k. She comes to the shop downstairs once in a while with her mum and then we say hi. You know, that kind of stuff. Anyway, i wonder, what is friendship? Who are friends?? I ponder and ponder but i just don't understand... ... Ma says that me and Lay Kuan are too alike that we repel each other, like like poles. Sigh... those 'friends' i make never seem to mean any good. I always make the wrong friends..
As my old principal, Ms May Chew once said: True friends are like diamonds while friends are like dried leaves-found everywhere.

Home at last!!

2004-06-14T22:51:00.000+08:00

Hello Singapore! I'm home at last!! I'm so sorry that I could not update you over at Shanghai as my father would not let me use his laptop. Anyway, I'm going to give you details of my trip.. ...
First day, Arrived at around 6.30. Already bright over at Shanghai. We went to eat Mac and passed by a hair dressing saloon. Sounds normal?? The hairdressers were in uniform and they were marching. I was a bit depressed as there was training but when I saw them marching, I cracked up and burst out laughing. My mother said I was extremely rude but it was really funny. Marching. Their taxis are very odd. The taxi driver is separated from the passengers by plastic covering. For protection I assumed. In Shanghai there are only left hand drivers thus everything was opposite. And their roads!! Disastrous!! I don't think they got traffic rules. When it is red light for the cars and green light for pedestrians, it is very scary to cross as the cars can still turn. A lot of people there ride bicycles and there is actually a special lane and a traffic light for them. I always get panicky whenever it comes to crossing their roads. Shanghai ancient places were very nice. Other than that, I dun like their night lights. I dun know why but I just dun like them. My mother says I'm really strange. I think the lights are too artificial and bright and a waste of electricity. And you cannot just walk into a store and eat. Too risky. I went to eat Gino's pizza and when we passed a dark alley, there was suddenly a sign saying noodles(in old chinese) sticking out. A bit of surprise. We also went Suzhou and Hangzhou. Very nice lakes. We took quite a lot of boat rides and saw a lot of old mansions. You know, the kind we see in TV serials shows. The houses don't have normal square doors but round or flower shaped ones. Weird.
Whenever you walk into a restaurant, the waiter or waitress will say huan1 yin2 guang1 lin2. And not just once but a chorus of them. When you walk out, it's xie4 xie4 guang1 lin2. And another chorus. Often, their food is too oily or too salty. That's why i'm getting fat. I also miss lots of training... ...
When you walk along populated streets at night, people will push promotion cards into your hands. I saw one boy younger that 8!! At the airport when we arrived, there were also lots of people pushing cards into our hands. Another small boy was there. That made me think of Mrs.Ng topic about suitable age for employment. In rural areas, there is no age limit and people will do anything to get money. Sigh**
On my second last day meaning Saturday, we went to the Springdale club to swim. I dun know but people say that China women are very conservative. Totally wrong. In the locker room when i just came out from the pool, there was a naked old lady walking about. Totally nude!! I could not see very well even with my goggles and i thought she was wearing a cream cloured swimsuit but my mother told me otherwise. After that, that old lady went to take a shower and walked naked once again into the suana room. I was super shocked. Also, in the locker room with quite alot of people, there was this woman who changed out of her bra into a bikini top! I was apalled. And there was also another fat woman whose swimming costume was hanging on her waist thus exposing her top. I shut both eyes and hurried out with my mother and sister. When my sister told my father, he siad it was very normal. Imagine my reaction. My father said that it was the same in the male changing room. Double yuck! My mother said it was their culture and i should not criticise but ewww!!!
Today's flight was very smooth. The pilot did a brillant bit of piloting. When the plane landed, i could hardly feel it. Marvellous.
When we came back, i immediately rushed out to the balcony to call Kitty and Ah gua came zooming across the roof with alot of sound and headed straight towards me and my sister...
GOOD TO BE HOME!! :)
Looking forward to training camp... ...

Seraphina

Going off, goodbye Singapore

2004-06-04T12:01:00.000+08:00

Going off at midnight today. I'll miss all my teammates and training sessions. At Shanghai, I still train and got lots of time to do my homework. Promise to keep you updated in Shanghai..
Ma thinks I'm obsessed with softball but I'm not. I'm only very COMMITTED .

Lalala, going off to school now...

Troubled minds... ...

2004-06-03T18:32:00.000+08:00

Aghh!! Today my batting and fielding like dunno wat like that! When i miss four training, i'm going to DIE! Blahh!! If only ma did not force me to go over!! Today, i played toss the kitty cat with my sister. Ah Gua, my cat, was so worn out with all the tossing. U know why we call my cat Ah Gua. At first, my mother called him/her Kitty. Then, we thought she was a he. Then, my sister discovered taht 'he' had nipples so he's a girl. In the end, we could not decide and ended up as Ah Gua. Of course, it's disrespectful to Eunice, whose's already called Ah Gua. Tomorrow got Maths lesson! Can't wait! I dun even know wat holiday homework i have. I ask then no one tell... ... :(
Keep you updated while i'm in Shanghai!!

**Wish I was not going over. Can stay for training then... ...**

Life is like a dangerous trap... ...

2004-06-02T18:29:00.000+08:00

Went to buy luggage bags in OG and ate at hawker centre. I never liked eating at hawker centres as there are many sick or crippled people, aiya! Don't know how to say. Anyway, that day, there was this old woman walking around people's tables and asking them stuff. She looked so pathetic. She took out a cigarette and a lighter but did not light it. I was thinking, life is so dangerous. Everyone starts along the sane path but ends up in different places. There are 'traps' everywhere. If you take a wrong step, then you die! Like for example, a person starts off like you and me but ends up in jail. Why? Cos he took up drugs and had to steal and rob to support his habit. The traps are many, like smoking, drinking, taking drugs etc etc. Then, there were two men with only one leg limping around selling tissue paper. I thought that it was good that they rather go around hawker centres and sell tissue paper to earn money then to beg in the streets. At the underpass that very same day, as i was walking to Borders, i saw a man there, singing for money. I was just thinking why he did not go to look for a job but chose to stay in the underpass and sing all day to get money. Does he enjoy it? If not, then why was he still there, singing for a living? When i walked out of Borders and through the same underpass again, the poor man was replaced by two men and one woman. They were playing various instruments and dancing. To me, they had no disablities so why sing and dance in underpasses just for money. If they enjoy it then i think it's fine. Ever since i read Eun blog, i opened my eyes more and realized that they were lots of things around me i never realized before... ...
Back to real life, yesterday went sliding and diving. Came back with muddy shirt, slacks, shorts and socks+shoes. Ughh! Had to bleach shirt and slacks and wash them today. It's hard work, trying to get all the mud out. But it was fun! My sliding wasn't good but i managed a fairly decent last slide. My diving was fine but i came back with cuts. When i first dived, i got a long cut on my left hand. On my second dive, i got another long cut on my right hand. When we all finished diving, me, Eunice, Tianyu and Jocelyn were dripping wet and trailed mud everywhere. The boarding school teacher, that tall giant, looked at us with disgust. Well, i suppose we did looked yucky. Anyway, we had to wash the toilet after that and i reached home at 7.30! Spent almost 12hrs in the boarding school! We stopped for lunch at 12 and came back at 1.30 to sleep. We really napped and there was such a nice cooling breeze. Ahh! But right after we woke up, 3 rounds! Nothing worse then waking up to a run! I love whole day training. Batting in the morning and fielding in the afternoon. Coach pitched that day and i was real scared. I just can't hit the balls somebody pitches. But i managed to pull through and survived! Yeah!!
going to Shanghai soon. Sigh... miss four training. When i come back, i'll be dead... :(

Thinking.. ...

2004-05-30T09:51:00.000+08:00

Thinking alot again. Dun know whether to go out or not. My mother says i ll become a hermit if i dun go out. But i dun see the point of going out unless i have something to buy. I'm writing a poem about my mother's life and if possible to understand, will reveal alot of dark secrets, secrets i rather have hidden... ...

Writing my story.

2004-05-29T21:35:00.000+08:00

typing my story... ... a bit stupid but helps me to destress. Today had training and it was so fun! Softball rocs!! The next training on Tues is whole day with 2 hr break! YEA! Going to sleep. take very long to bathe nowadays cos i brush my teeth according to the dentist and floss EVERY Singale tooth!! :(